Ye Noble Knight of the Land of Knightbridge
Last month I moved into my new apartment. I bought a tv, and had it installed on the wall. I bought a shoe rack for Starr’s shoes, and put up shelves in my bathroom. I did my darnedest to get the place to be mine, though I had a basil plant that could not adapt to my new apartment, and the light in the bathroom, it seems, needs a cover. It’s not Apartment 2, but hopefully with some love, care, and a little bit of elbow grease, it’ll be an oasis in the middle of Midtown.
I have four neighbors. Four. That means if one dies, 25% of the buildings occupants were wiped out. The hallway is clean, much cleaner than my old place with Jeff, and it kind of feels like a doctors office. For some reason when you walk up the stairs, there’s a point in the middle where a wave of heat hits you. Very strange. I’ve also noticed that my walls are hot in certain places. The radiator is not hot, but the wall, in certain spots, is warm.
My landlord is English -My checks go to Knightsbridge, LLC. This makes me feel good because a landlord should be English by the sheer roots of the word. They should make the best landlords. But if not, at least I’ll know my getting screwed would be a sort of tradition. Me and the other three tenants -Rodney, Girl-Who-Drinks-Upstairs, and Other Person would all drink at the local tavern and curse our Land’s Lord. Then I’ll have that deep emotional connection to Feudal England that I’ve always yearned for.
Despite my connections to Verizon, I had to go with Time Warner cable. They came at the inconvenient time of 12pm last Wednesday. Their phone reps are assholes who try not to be assholes according to the rules of their Employee Behavior Manuals -This is the worst kind of asshole. I hate Time Warner. I hate them so much. The other day they prank called me to say they were coming, but they really weren’t. Then when it was time for them to come, they didn’t arrive til 15 minutes before 4pm. Starr waited around all day for them and it nearly ruined Passover. I hate you Time Warner.
My new apartment looks at an office building. Dead on. A big, huge skyscraper. It sorta gives me vertigo sometimes because I’m looking at the offices and it could be the 3rd floor or it could be the 30th. There are always people there (like tonight), working late. I don’t care if they see me naked, or sittin’ on the couch. Their office is so ugly. My office has coats, but their office has cubicles. That’s very cliche’. I’ve been thinking about going over to the front desk and find out what they do there.
