In this tough economy, some of us would like to cut our budgets in any way we can.
But there are some things ;in this life we can not cut out.
There are a few things not to cheap out on in life:
Ice trays – Stinky ice cubes? No way! Don’t get soft when it comes to creating ice from your tap water. Nothing will turn you off to a cup of water more than turning it into a cup of Ass-Freezer-Smell. Be sure to get a solid, dependable, ice tray that will somehow keep ice from not smelling by using science.
Toilet paper – I hate going to people’s houses that I like and finding their toilet paper is so damn cheap. Seriously? You use cheap toilet paper? You try to save money on your ass? The one thing people always try to protect? ’I gotta save my ass!’, ‘You’re not gonna find my ass in there.’ and, ‘I gotta get my ass to the gym.’ And then you’re gonna wipe it down with the next level up after newspaper? I can recommend Cottenelle Blue. Really make the effort here though. I’m still waiting for the next best thing (a puppy dog?)
Can Opener – There’s nothing worse than having a can opener that doesn’t work. It’s so brilliant that they haven’t improved on it (except for all the improvements) for a hundred years. It’s really the can though. So impenetrable…unless you have a special weapon. You can’t write this stuff!
That’s my list so far… It’s important to keep these things short.
Some tricks:
-Be a man and get a tray that requires the traditional practice of balance. Be a bigger man and get an ice pick. Be a woman and kill someone with it.
-I always try to use two squares at a time (unlimited times). I’ve been known to jump in the shower if paper up my butt is just not working. Really? But why wouldn’t paper work? Why would science figure out how to turn water into ice, but not how to clean my but without any effort?
-A good can opener is so great relative to a bad can opener. You only know this if you’ve had a bad can opener.
March 11, 2009 at 11:04 am |
what’s the protocol if your roommate’s parents buy her the jumbo 40-roll pack of scratchy Scott when you really want the good, soft stuff? it’s like an ass exfoliant… except your ass should never, ever be exfoliated.
March 12, 2009 at 10:24 am |
seriously ms. sallowed! tell your aunt and uncle to read abzme.com
also never buy an ice cube tray that looks innovative, it isnt better and wine bottle opener that costs $2 will break within 5 uses, no question.
March 13, 2009 at 7:05 am |
He’s right Mrs. Sallowed. You need to call a family meeting. Have them visit jw’s website for more information. Or else buy one pack of the good stuff and begin a dialogue with others billed as a ’social experiment’.
March 13, 2009 at 10:55 am |
thanks for the advice and support. i will stage an intervention within the next week and torch the remaining Scott in a ceremonial bonfire.
March 15, 2009 at 1:54 am |
buy quality toilet paper and cut down to one square at a time
depending on the # of wipes you can save 58%
There are other factors in the equation, but I won’t go into detail.
Cut out bottled water
March 23, 2009 at 1:36 pm |
2 weeks since last update…i’ve been to the apt, ive been on a bus with the author and now readership needs some posts