Flight Of The Cougars

The topic was brought up in my last entry by Sean, about a website dedicated to young guys finding older women (cougars as is the common slang term). The website is pretty kitschy, and a little hard to take seriously. I love the first picture in the banner after the jump that has a hot, sophisticated cougar seductively gazing out of the screen at me. Then I scroll down and Mary -the newest member- a white haired woman of 50yearsplus with the matching wrinkles and mugshot picture is gazing out at me saying she’s just looking for a good time. (Obviously you are, Mary. You’ve had quite a rough go of things)

My early experiences were with older woman. And I was really pleased with the results. So I’m gonna go ahead and recommend this activity (if not this site) for my readers. Anyone who’s significantly younger than their bed partner would probably recommend it as well because if nothing else, there’s a certain novelty to the whole thing. Especially if you’re a very young kid. Picture this…Here you are, a kid who measures things in terms of grades and popularity, and suddenly you’re sleeping with someone who has an apartment, holds down a job, pays taxes, and probably sees a shrink about her past. I imagine the emotions are similar to when a really young kid gets called up to the majors (like, say, Kobe or Lebron). And the best part is everyone’s at home saying ‘can you believe it! He’s only 18!’

Isn’t it also true that women peak sexually around 30-35? So the idea of, say, a 32yrold female and a 19yrold male getting together would not only go hand in hand, but be a naturally fantastic experience for both. And who could forget ‘Stifler’s Mom‘. The idea that someone is so far from our peers and may fall right into line with the natural order of things is as good as any fantasy I can think of.

But if you’re a guy who’s around 30plus, does the novelty begin to wear off? I mean by then you’ve been paying rent for 10 years, so I don’t get it.  What’s the turn on there? That she has a mortgage and a urinary tract infection? Bleechhh!

I haven’t tried the internet dating scene yet.  Maybe someday I would try this site if someone offered to pay and I had the time.  Writing about it would be worth it enough.

But for now, I’m happy with my 20yr old.

Here’s the link again if you don’t want to read my previous entry… http://www.dateacougar.com/

A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints

A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints

I saw this weeks ago.  I’d wanted to see it for a while.  It was a good movie though I expected a bit more. The soundtrack was good and got me to buy the Ace Freely track ‘Back In The New York Groove’, but that was when the trailer was still playing on tv. The production had a few holes in it and I expected a bit more grit, but it mostly just takes place around an ambiguous Astoria neighborhood that feels like an independent movie that’s waiting to reveal something, but it doesn’t deliver as much as I’d've liked.

In some ways, I thought the film suffered a bit from using well known actors since you tend to see them as the actors before the characters they play. Other times it’s okay because they’re very good actors. Chazz Palmanteri is good as the father that doesn’t listen to Dito (our protagonist, narrator and main character), but his “abuse” of Dito is never really fully realized where you say ‘okay, this dad is abusive’. As a result, it seems like Dito whines a lot about ‘getting out’, without realizing any of consequences his leaving might accomplish.

Dito whines a lot and though he has it very tough I didn’t even end up liking him so much at the end since he just ends up running away from his problems and himself.   I think the movie is trying to explain how unbearable life in 190’s NYC is, but I never got the ‘wow, this is hell’ feeling’.  That was lacking.

Apparently Dito was in the band Gutterboy, and got a million dollar record deal from Geffen records and then was dropped after the first album (they were called the most successful unsuccessful band).

It’s easy to not like Dito once you see actual pictures of him on imdb (Sting is his friend -does that burn you a little?), but then you get over it. The movie is good, but I didn’t think it was as good as it could be.

In the end, worth watching.  It’s an interesting story and based on his book of the same title.  Just don’t look for this to be as good as the Ace Freely song.

Zeesa Pesach

Well, readership of abzme is down, and rightfully so. I haven’t written much in the past week and I know as I write less, I get less motivated. But I’ve also been extremely tired as of late and I believe I’ve passed out on the couch three times this week (Twice I didn’t even have the energy to brush my teeth) including last night in the third period of the playoffs of the very exciting Rangers/Devils game (they won, eliminating the Devils). And then today, I didn’t get a chance to go to the NY Comicon either because I slept so late and then I needed to meet my ride for the holiday (who is the fool that arranges Nerd-Fest during the Jewish Holidays (don’t they know half those guys are jewish anyway?)).

Tonight is the first night of Passover and the food was really good. I love this home cooking stuff. We had all the favorite dishes such as sweet potato with marshmallows on top, peach kugel (which my sister’s in-laws called ‘farfel’, egg in salt water (this sounds pathetic but is actually good (but only during passover), gefilte fish with lots of horseradish (also only good on jewish holidays), turkey, lots of matzoh, and Maniscewitz Wine. A good time was had by all. We used those Maxwell House Haggadah, and maybe it was the company, but I thought we were a little stingy with the prayers. I was talking to Neil the other day about how Passover is probably my favorite Jewish holiday because it’s the best holiday of the Jews really kicking some ass. I mean, here you got Moses taking the slaves outta slavery, but not before smiting the Egyptians with 10 plagues and then topping it off by drowning them all in the sea. What dramatics! Then we get the law (and not just any law, but the 10 Commandments!), and we march into Israel and take over. How awesome. There’s much more that goes on in between, but those are some of the highlights.

[I'm writing this from my mom's house and this computer feels a bit slow. It's strange, but does anyone else feel like older people (like your parents/grandparents) don't mind slow computers? Maybe they're just so amazed by the technology at all that whenever it does it's thing is fine, but wouldn't you think that since they have less time to live and more money that they'd want a super-fast computer?]

Tommorrow I’m going to my Aunts for the second day of Passover. I’ll be visiting my grandmother as well and I’m excited about seeing her, though she has dimentia and tends to curse alot.

To all of you Jews out there, have a Zeesa Pesach (yiddish for something like ‘healthy Passover’). And to all you goyim, have a wonderful weekend!

In AC. America’s Playground?

This weekend was spent in Atlantic City for a Bachelor party. It was the first time in a long time that I’d been down there. Last time I think was during college at some point, and all I remember was wandering around with my friends in a parking lot and feeling a bit put off by the element there. It was a pretty big shithole of a city. A shell of what it seemed it used to be.

Right now, we may be witnessing the rebirth of Atlantic City. The opening of new hotels such as The Borgata, and The Chelsea, along with other mainstay hotels getting renovations such as The Tropicana have the city buzzing with new shows, new restaurants, and new money. The Borgata itself was already expanding when I arrived for my stay, building a new tower to apparently accommodate the increasing demand for rooms.

And what nice rooms! Ceiling-to-floor windows, down comforter bedding, cordless in-room phones, and everything else from a coffee pot to those comfy chairs (though the tvs are old tube tvs). The bathrooms are beautifully finished, with a temperature guide on the knob, which is so simply genius because I’ve spent my entire adult life fiddling with the knobs in the shower. Plus they have a seat in them which would be great for hanky-panky. The toilet has it’s own door too, which is a nice touch, and the counter top is nice and big.

The hotel itself is magnificent, with great pieces of art and decoration all around. The quintessential Chihuly glass is everywhere, so it feels like a touristy place. And the restaurants and entertainment are pretty non-stop. I got lost for long time spans cause the place is a huge maze (and I was pretty messed up most of my trip). If I had to make some complaints, one was that the ceilings feel very low. I like Casinos and hotels with large, open spaces and alotta room above my head, which you feel in a place like Vegas and which I didn’t feel like you got at the Borgata. The place is huge, but the ceilings just felt too low and some of the spaces felt narrow, and maybe it’s cause I’m from NYC that when I get out of here I want high ceilings that go on forever and large, dramatic pathways to walk through. I mean c’mon, chuches have nice high ceilings, so shouldn’t sinful temples such as casinos and nudie bars and such have those same high ceilings, I mean if they really want to compete for my soul? Score one for Jesus.

In the female department, The Borgata does very well. They dress up their waitresses in sexy, black outfits that barely cover their butts and push boobs together to create some astonishing cleavage. And these girls are very cute too. I found myself actually moving from the table to sit at slots where some girls were waitressing just to order a drink from her. I’m not gonna compare them to Vegas, but for what it is and what it used to be, the place has really come a loooong way.

Another annoying thing is the smoking, which is designated to certain areas, but this is the states wrongdoing. But if they want AC to compete with Vegas, it needs to embrace it’s vices a bit more. Also, no sports book and it’s hard to find NY sports, which is really stupid (the Rangers/Devils Playoff game couldn’t be found Friday night (and that’s NJ!)) That said, the Casino bar was bumping the whole trip. B-Bar is in the center and every hour that I was there, something was going on.

Here’s a synopsis of my trip:

8am-On the road with The Goose in his Honda Accord -nickname: A-Wing.

10:30am-arrive at Borgata. Get our bags upstairs, catch up on the previous nights activities, which among other things include a strip club that’s BYOB! Head to the Metropolitan on the Casino floor for breakfast, including a large, delicious Bloody Mary and Cinamon Swirl French Toast (highly recommended).

1-5pm (appx) – Spend entire afternoon at the Spa where, for $30 bucks, you get complete use of Sauna, Steam Room, Hot Tub, comfortable lounge room, all the fruit, punch, pinapple juice, orange juice, V-8, and bottled water you can handle. And free q-tips. This is the prime detox central and one of the greatest afternoons in a long time. Wonder why I don’t do this more often.

5-6:30pm – Loose $100 dollars playing Blackjack. Purchase a Heineken for $100 dollars.

8-10pm – Dinner at Old Homestead. One of the best steaks I’ve had in a long time, despite service being a bit slow (where’s our bread!?). Do not recommend a martini with dinner. Oyster appetizer is delicious on the way in.

11pm-12am – Wait outside strip club holding over 30 beers in the wind and rain. Decide to come back later. Not feeling so well.

12:30-1:30am – Oyster appetizer is not so good on the way out. Almost loose it in elevator but make it back to the room just in time. Relax for an hour before heading back down to the B-Bar.

1:30-5:30am – Drink and party throughout bar and Casino and rooms. The place never let up. Even at 5:30 the Casino was still bumping and there was a line for the bar. AC impresses me.

9am – The Goose departs to play football/kickball.

12noon – Check out. Eat a breakfast of teriyaki chicken.

1pm – Win $80 bucks back playing Blackjack.

4pm – Arrive home. Pass out on couch.

8pm – Wake up at intermission for Rangers game.

10pm – Surprise treat at the end of the day.

All said, AC is still no Vegas. But thats okay because it has the opportunity to be something uniquely it’s own if done well. Hopefully we’ll be able to witness just that. It was an awesome trip and I’m glad I went. My other friends and I have discussed going down for a weekend, and after reading my synopsis, I think we’d be stupid not to. We’ll just have to do it in addition to our next trip to Vegas.

In the Nude Remixing…

After Heath insulted me for my concert plans Saturday, I was asked by him to check out his producers remix of Radiohead’s Nude, off their new album In Rainbows. I don’t need to tell you here that ‘In Rainbows’ is a 5-star album. A cross-party-lines type of album. I mean, I have friends into hip-hop that love this album, along with girls that love only Elton John’s sappy stuff like Daniel but love this album. And then I walk into Starbucks and they’re pushing this album too. And everyone seems to like something different about it as well. I find the whole thing fascinating.

So Heath’s producer is this guy Dave, whom Heath refers to as My-Producer-Dave. He’s Chinese and went to Harvard and recently bought an apartment (mazel tov!) and Jeff and Heath helped him move in in there. What else can I say about My-Producer-Dave? Oh, well he’s the brains behind this music thing called the Shanghai Restoration Project, which is basically a producer-does-all electro-beats-muse-sound-a-thon that actually has alot of interesting things coming out of it. I’m always curious about what’s coming out of the frontline of music-sans-instruments and this is a perfect example. Especially since the corporations eat this shit up for their advertising. Which is exactly what the Shanghai Restoration Project wants. And it’s exactly what they get.

Which brings us to the hear and now (good blog name, huh…www.hearandnow.com (someone register that quick…oh wait, it’s taken (are they really asking what modem speed I’m using?))) MPDave apparently caught wind of this Radiohead Remix thing and decided to do his part. It’s a nice remodeling of the song and you can give it a listen at the link below. Then you can vote on it by pressing the plus button next to the play button.

Also check out some of the other remixes, that is, if you can get them to work (fucking streaming music…)

Enjoy!

http://radioheadremix.com/remix/?id=437

Ps, Sorry for all the ‘-’’s.

pps, I couldn’t get the widget thing to attach to the page. How does that work?

‘Yours Truly, Jens Lekman’

Ask me what I did this weekend and I’ll tell you I saw a great live show…

Upon first listen, Jens Lekman, the Swedish Singer/Songwriter sounds made specifically for your girlfriend, your gay friend at work, and not for you. But if you can put your earphones in, allow your self to daydream a little, and pretend like no one’s watching, you may find yourself swaying back and forth.

I had to cram for the show Saturday night at Webster Hall. All I knew about Jens was that Kim liked them but Jeff didn’t and that she’d sent me two albums which I hadn’t put in my itunes yet. So Thursday and Friday at work were dedicated to giving both albums I had, ‘Night Falls On Kortadela’ (the newer one), and ‘Oh You’re So Silent, Jens’ a good, undistracted listen.

There’s no doubt that very quickly you’ll know either you’ll like this or you won’t. And if not, you’ll at least have some sort of judgement. I liked it pretty much right away, because, though I hate to admit it, on a few levels, I’m a bit of a pansy when it comes to certain types of music. Musicals such as Les Miserables and Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, Peter Allen, Barry Manilow, weak 80’s music, and Whitney Houston’s classic cover of Greatest Love of All really all make me believe in some sort of way that the children are our future.

And so Jens Lekman is no different. His music paints a flamboyant Ross painting that’s easy to just get carried away with. Right away it reminded me of my parents in love in the 70’s, with a feeling like warm mahogany finish, red knit turtlenecks, and sipping wine with your love by fire on a rug made of shag. It’s refreshing. Everything old is new again, right? Barry Manilow may be pleased at Jens’s success. Maybe Neil Diamond too. Oh, and Bread. Definitely Bread. Such is the fate of a song that reminds us that you’re ‘Sipping on the sweet nectar of your memories‘.

He’s a unique songwriter as well so there’s no questioning that if the music is not your taste, which it shouldn’t be for many, then the lyrics are something to at least take note of. I had been surprised at how easily alot of what he says makes sense in a ‘life…and some of it’s stories’ sort of way. In fact, one thing I’d been impressed by at the show was the way he was able to add “spoken words” to his songs, that is speaking the lyrics or added anecdotes to his singing, thus making a story out of a good few of his tracks.

So what did I think going into that sold out show Saturday night at Webster Hall? This is what I thought after Friday afternoon:

“Jens Lekman. He’s that asshole Swedish guy at the bar that brought his guitar with him and is actually wooing your girlfriend away from you! He’s gonna get his ass kicked. And rightfully so. So what that you go home and put the album on yourself once your privacy is protected behind locked doors in the late night in your apartment. Are you gay cause you like this? Probably not. You may just want to feel alive. To love! Oh love! Oh life! Tell me what that’s like, Jens!”

Don’t worry. Jens won’t be stealing your girlfriend. (It’s a brief spell) And if he did, you wouldn’t want to be with her anyway. He’s not funny enough, or he doesn’t have enough grit. And that’s what your girl likes about you. But take comfort in the fact that you can appreciate someone like Jens. He’s not as bad as you once thought. A fine European young man, with something to contribute to todays musical terrain. Untainted by much of what we are used to seeing. Maybe it’s because it’s sounds so natural. Or he’s young enough to have not been tainted yet. Who knows. But we’re just happy you don’t live in Williamsburgh, Jens.

I was worried I’d need pajamas for this show. I thought it’d put me to sleep. But Jens showed up with a band of four females (like Robert Palmer’s Addicted To Love), enough to instantly grab anyones attention (girls playing drums, wow!), that, and the tight, white jeans and pure white patent leather shoes. He was a charmer from the beginning, with a great stage presence, classic banter, and stories that had you not only wanting to hear more, but wanting to have him over for a dinner party (specifically a dinner party). His voice really is that dreamy and it didn’t take long to hear the girls I was with to say they wanted nothing more than to make out with him. And my thinking was maybe I do too…

The show’s well thought out, with sync’d dance steps and audience partisipation.  As if this wasn’t enough, there was a song where the cellist played only a cowbell the entire time!  (I NEED MORE COWBELL!!!)   Not once did I think ‘okay, enough of this’, which is rare enough for me. His songs are just easily likable, and I was quickly realizing that this is an artist that, seeing live, makes his recorded music better -Not easy to pull off. He was out for two or three encores. And they were all enjoyable. I’d read that his shows were good, and he did not dissappoint. I’d go into greater detail, but sorta like what he sings about in alot of his songs, it was just a shared moment. A good moment. This was a great show.

NOTES, COMMENTS, ETC…

-At the show he told us Kortadela referred to a place in Sweden that he used to live in. A real shithole…

-He’ll make a great greatest hits album some day. One your kids mom will love.

-Right as Night Falls On Kortadela was to be deemed too long, it ends with a sweet take on 50’s rock and roll, that is Friday Night At the Drive In Bingo. As if to say, wasn’t this all innocent fun?

-Here is a link to a review of his SxSW show courtesy of Jeff. Thank you Jeff for everything!

-If I had to pick a favorite song it was probably A Postcard To Nina, which is a doo-wop-py about how Jens can’t pretend to be Nina’s boyfriend in front of her father, but that she should just be the lesbian that she truly is. Good advice for all of us…

-Where is there a setlist for this show? Does anyone have it?

-He’s slightly balding, which is saddening since he’s younger than I am. But he makes a very good case for all those young men out there loosing their hair.  (It’s all good, Ben)

Oh you’re SO SILENT JENS…

go ucla bruins!! Death to Memphis

dicktation

BEHOLD!

THE TWENTY SIDED DIE!

I would trade all the guilder in Krynn for this to be true. It’s something I didn’t know I wanted until my inner nerd saw it. And though I don’t like posting videos, this is really worth checking out if the word Triforce means anything at all to you….

And since I hate to post a video ’cause Kim (who should like this) thinks they’re cheap, I’ll tell an anecdote too.

So I’m in the elevator yesterday talking on the phone which I hate to do cause it’s rude and some dude gets in with a leather jacket, then a cute girl with a nose ring and so I get off the phone with Neil and apologize for being on the phone in the elevator. But the guy in the leather jacket and I differ on opinion here and he tells me it’s not rude to be on the phone in the elevator, so I ask him what is rude and he says that if you smell it’s rude. So I tell him and the girl that next time I’m on the phone and get off the line cause I’m riding in the elevator that instead of apologizing I’ll say something like ‘hey, at least I don’t smell’.

Here’s the link for Link. Haha. There’s something more clever there that I’m missing…

The End

In my vain attempts to keep this accurate and up-to-date, while also keeping an ever-increasingly busy life together, I have decided to end abzme.com in predictable fashion -with an overdue entry.

I had an okay time doing this blog, mostly because it’s really tough to get around to put these entries in.  Also, reading comments about ‘a b snoooze me’ , and ‘hey, my sister writes better than you’, and ‘oh man why don’t you write about Nixon’s resignation’ have discouraged me enough to take a break for now.

I want to thank no one but myself for the work done here.  It was fun to talk about after something was written, but as I’m sure all 13 of you can attest to, it was more boring.

And of course, lastly, the obvious cliche to end all this…

Happy April First.